say it ain't so

I have a good friend who has a birthday coming up. I was gonna buy her an ipod photo, but decided that she would probably take that the wrong way? Am I way off?

She is definatly one of my dearest friends, but i don't want her to freak out... which i can see a girl doing.... interpreting a present of worth as some kind of hidden message of obsession (girls are like that)

My automatic response is to assume the worst... and ifI put myself in their shoes and I can see exactly why they would take it that way... because guys have generally earned the reputation for girls to assume the worst of them

So now I don't know what to do for her birthday that says "I appreciate you are my friend" that can't be interpreted as anything else.

Friendship sucks and sometimes I wonder if it's way too much work for the effort involved...
Guys just want to have sex and girls just want someone to pay attention to them... it's a no win game.... and I know to much about the rules now....

I am thinking of just never speaking to her again.
The mere idea in my mind that she could react that way causes me to question what purpose our friendship has if she could so easily (albit, theoretically) misinterpret and blow things out of proportion...

I have a tendancy to destroy my friendships with girls mostly because I do generalize and would rather be the destroyer than the victim.
It becomes a question of how long I am willing to waste my time before the inevitable happens.

Ok, some examples... I have a friend about 12 hours away. We have keep in contract quite regularily for the last 2 years and suddenly she has been suggesting things to me ... like about how we shouldn't be in a romantic relationship...
I have no idea how this idea got into her head, but perhaps it is just her way of flattering herself.

And then the other day I was talking to a friend on MSN and the conversation became teological and I began to see how close minded and ignorant she is and I thought, 'why am I even friends with this pop culture flake? Every word she says seems like a quotation from a Philip Yancy book or the youth group bulletin' and then I realize that this whole pop culture world is a resut of living in a society that attemots to discourage people from thinking for themself...

Guys are motivated by the faint possability that maybe one day they can sleep with their friend sthat are girls.... wether they admit it or not, even to themself, is the reason guys maintain those friendships... It's the reason guys befriend gorls they find attractive...
I hate this... I hate that I am a am a bi-product of this, but it's true...

And this is why I self destruct my female friendships because I question my intentions.

Sorry for being so negative... I guess I am ranting...

My dreams manipulate me... I can't shake it...

Must go to sleep now...

dragonfly 

where have all the good people gone?

I'm finding you unactractive
like most of the women that I meet
you all just make life seem way to dramatic
and then when you die you discover it was nothing like that

where have all the good people gone?
it's harder to recognize this city from
a backwoods incest gathering gong show
and all I know is I feel left alone

for all these years
and all my life
I've come too far
to settle now
and all these people
still think that we are equal
well I have got standards to attend

I will not be a victim of the female race
I will not walk around looking like
it matters much to me if anyone notices me

*i set you as the bar
it's harder than you think
to try and fill your (empty) shoes
so let me buy you a drink
I don't want to be with someone I have to make excuses for
I've got standards to attend

I will not be a victim of the human race
I will not die alone I will not be unfulfilled
*
I will lie awake all night I will try and do things right I will always be here when you need
I set you as the bar and it's harder than you think to find someone with all the good people gone

SP #4 

SP #3 

aggression 

SP #2 

Snow Patrol 

you're gonna walk alone

haven't been too consistent with this diary... which sucks because diarys are good... they are the voice of our memory as time goes by... yeah, so I am working lots... next week I go in the studio and lay down all the songs live, just so we can listen to them over the next weeks and work through idea's... John Furey is producing the record. We have worked together before, and I know he can get the exact sound I want... I think I may go out and buy that Smashing Pumpkins bio to read...

So last night was Snow Patrol... hence the pictures...

I will try and think of something good worth writing about... until then, I hope you've enjoyed the view...

I want to feel like a newborn

i think i forgot all about this diary for awhile... been way to busy... was working two jobs for a while there.... yea...ok