trace

There's many things running through my mind.
I arrived back in the city a week ago today. So far I have caught up with a few friends, but more importantly, I have caught up with the past.

There are things in that past that seem very far away now. And that is good, because that keeps them in the past.
And there are new realities now, that come with resurfacing in society.

I have been considering going back to school. I need to make some choices that are going to have consequences I can live with a few years down the road.
Contemplating school means asking myself what possible things I could actually tolerate studying, and this leaves me with very few actual possabilities.
I find history appealing, but by itself, I would bore.
I want to study Jesus. That seems the most concrete thing I can come up with.

My other recent decision was to remove myself from debt. Even debt long since forgotten.
I will consolidate my loans and begin the process of dealing with a financial responsability I have avoided, as I have run from nearly everything in my life.
This is the first step in making choices that, though they may be difficult, will reap consequences in the long term, which will be good.

Yesterday I found myself in a coffee shop in trendy little Kensigton. I thought about the benefits of change, and how bias often prevents us from giving the benefit of change to others.

It is easy to think about how I may be seen through the lens of anothers bias, but what do I do when I find myself not extending the benefit of change to someone else?

Of course it is not obvious, but sneaks up in an unexpected way, and I find myself unsure of how to respond to one whom I have long since told myself that I would be a fool to approach again, in any sense of the word.
Not nearly enough time has passed, but am I treating her like I would want to be treated? No.
What is it I should do?
Not wanting to be the fool, I would rather do nothing, which is essentially, what she did.

I must think about this more.