directors cut

Last night I watched the new Donnie Darko. It never made it to Maui when it was re-released last spring.
I don't know if I would call myself an expert on the movie. The hundred or so times I have seen the movie do qualify me to earn the right to express my view of this new edition.

It was longer. It was cool to see a few of the 19 deleted scenes from the original included, though the one's I appreciated seeing as deleted scene's most were not included.
There seemed to be slight extensions to many scenes by a sentance or two. Perhaps the most interesting aspect to this new edition was that 40% of the scene's seemed to be alternate takes from those in the original.
It wasn't so much a bad thing though. I quite enjoyed seeing the same thing done differantly. In a bizarre way it seemed a little like my life at present. I am experiencing an alternate version.

Yet, for the most part I felt like this new version included too many things that were unnecesary. Bits of filer and voice over that took away from the atmosphere of the original.

At present, time is passing rapidly as I see a lot of the filler and voice over that was once so much of my existance. I am watching it from a distance because it is not happening now, but it is like a apparition that I see around this city and in the faces of people I once knew.
I realize that I have become an altered version of who I was and I wonder if people notice.

After nearly a year away from Canada, and another year before that away from the city, I found myself longing to talk to someone that knew me and could confirm to me that I did exist before the world collapsed.
I found that confirmation in Glasgow.
Not only had I changed incredibly, but so had she. Because so much time had passed since we had seen each other, there was no expectation to live up to. We had given each other the benefit of change with time gone by, yet we could appreciate the past without attempting to live in it.

Back in this city I find myself grateful for the same thing, but oposite. Now that I am surrounded by a place that knows me too well, and people who have a preconcieved notion of who I am. That is what I will fight against, the presumptions, and perhaps it is easiest to begin anew.

It is only those who I have known over the last two years that have an presumption of me that is the most correct, because they are not seeing me throught he bias of who I was.

What was distant to me is now right in front of me, and rapidly the last year is trying to slip into memory status. Before long, all I will have is descriptions that will form the memories of a life that seems belonged to someone else.
I suppose that is one of the curses to wandering so much, that I will always seem to feel alive for the first time. Because everytime I shed my skin, like a snake, I lose a little of how I came to be who I am.

I am back in the city that I grew to despise. But in reality, it wasn't the city I despised, it was who I became when I lived here. It took me leaving to figure that out.
I despised myself and blamed that on everyone and everything I could.

Now, every step seems like de-ja-vu, and I know that I do not despise this city. I know that, because I do not despise myself anymore.

This is the directors cut, but this one will be a lot more like the original.