S.P.W.

I think I am reaching the narrowing down of my virus. I feel it leaving my body, and with it, is hopefully going all of the toxins that remained following my three day cleanse at the end of Holy Week.

Yea, I can see that even in this sickness, purpose has been served. I think both positive and negative things have happened. The positive being that I have held onto the faith that all things serve a purpose, and I believe that being sick for a week can be included in that.

As for the negative, I have done not much more than work, this week. I come home and sleep, so when it comes to how I have been spending my time, I have not been doing too well. Mind you, I have not watched much TV and have been reading more consistently. Still, I want to be doing more, and for the time being, I have allowed this flu to prevent me from doing so.

This is mostly because I want to sleep, because I think sleep is what my body needs to recover. But what if sleep is my understanding of what makes a speedy recovery? What if that logic has kept me sick longer than I need to be?

Today a conversation arose as to weather Jesus ever got sick. Two of the three opinions said He never did. I was the third one, and I didn't agree. I can't, because Jesus ability to relate to me is what makes Him so personable, and the whole message of Hebrews (among other letters) is that the purpose of Jesus coming to earth was to share in the human experience. If he got tired and hungry, which the Bible tells us he did, then certainly He must have got sick to (which the bible never mentions).
It's not an issue worth arguing about, because it's pointless to argue about things we do not have answers for. If we are searching for answers that are not there, we rely on philosophy and our logic, which only constantly fail us.

When I am not using my time well, and I feel like I am doing nothing, that's when I begin to lose my identity. It becomes lost in minneal tasks. I remember always wanting a hobby when I was a kid. I was always looking for something that would give me a sense of identity. A sense of purpose.

Paticcasamuppada says:

For the last two thursday mornings, I have woken up remembering dreams involving past..."relationships". I use that word loosely.
The dreams seemed to be glipses of possible futures that I was saved from, leaving me uttering my thanks that I was saved from such a outcome. But I also woke up with a new perspective of myself, as seen through the eyes of wisdom. I saw not only what kept me in those "relationships" but how dependant I became on them.

"The truth is we already have consciousness due to ordinary sense organs or Consciousness from Ignorance in the process of dependent arising, and no longer need a transmigrating consciousness.
There is only the law of dependent arising in dependent origination; meaning all phenomena emerge only when mutually dependent conditions exist.
Furthermore, the beginning and end of each phenomenon happen in an instant after which other phenomena continuously arise due to mutually dependent conditions. A phenomenon that arises due to mutually dependent conditions is called a dependent arising.

There are two important principles here: (1) do not entertain the idea of an ego so as not to embrace the concept of a continuing existence; and (2) do not entertain the idea that nothing exists so as not to become nihilistic. As long as one stays in the Middle Path, he will not stray from the law of dependent arising."